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I can't believe I only have one more exam to go before summer break officially starts. I'm not even going to get started on how unfair and unjust (somehow I felt it was necessary to emphasize my point by using synonyms) our exam evaluating systems are on this side of the world ( and in our university to be specific). I wouldn't even call it a system, as they comply with no organized means of grading. 
Anyways, back to the real purpose of my post, I'm excited. Even though my friends wont be around and I'll probably be either hanging out with my mom, or chillin' at home, I'm still pretty darn happy to at least have the leisure time to do what I like. I might go to Turkey for a month through a training program for medical students. Hopefully that will work out. I'd still like to spend my summer in a productive manner, if I can, and still have fun while doing it.

Much to my embarrassment, I forgot to congratulate a dear friend on her birthday, and I just feel terrible. About a month prior to her birthday I gave myself a small mental reminder that her birthday was coming up, but I just forgot about it in the mist of my exam preparation and all the stress that comes with it. This is still no excuse to forget her birthday, so next week I'll be sure to write her an apology letter and a belated b-day congratulation. I think she will forgive, she's very understanding. One of the many good qualities that she posses. I've never seen (or rather heard, as I've never met her in real life) any negative behavior from her. But according to herself, she's not flawless (not that I've directly asked her, to be clear).

I hope the world is enjoying some sunlight (it's cloudy and windy here though)  :D

Jun. 10th, 2012

We just got back from the countryside today. I was so tired. Not just me, everyone. The wedding was nice. Ok, so maybe it was a little too loud. Plus they served more dishes with meat than I'm comfortable with, but all else considered, I had a good time. I wore a black dress, shoes, and pearl earrings and a necklace. People were telling me that I looked more like a business lady. Before we went to the restaurant, we visited my cousin at her house. She had already worn her wedding dress and had her hair done. Her dress was light purple. It was beautiful. At first I didn't even recognize her. She had changed so much. I think a lot of people would have agreed with me there. We took a lot of pics, then finally left for the restaurant. We (my family) came back the next day, a.k.a. today. But before that, we ate some fine red, sour, juicy cherries off a tree. There's nothing better than picking your fruits right off a tree :)

Wishing everyone a nice day :)

Another yearly post :D

It's practically been a year since I last posted.
If I had to update on my life, I wouldn't know where to start, and that would primarily because there's really not much to update.
I passed my first exam this semester. One down, four to go. Every time these exam seasons come around, I become more uncertain about hope for fairness and justice in this country. And I think I'll just move on from here :)

This Saturday we're attending the wedding of a very special person. My cousin. And even though at first I was stubbornly decided against going (not because I have anything against her, rather for the sake of not loosing study time), things didn't work the way I wanted so I am to go. But I'm sort of glad. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish by almost always making my studies and non-family related matters a priority. I think it's OK, once in a while, to cut down on study time if it's going to make someone happy. I plan on wearing a black dress, borrowed from my sister and a pair of shoes I already own. I really don't want to by a dress, as I'm probably not going to wear it anywhere else. Plus, why pay for one, if you're sister can lend you hers?!
If I'm not too lazy, I might even make a post about my trip. Talking about trips, I just remembered that this summer, I might get a chance to do my summer med practicum in Turkey, if things work out. I hope they do. I really want to spend my summer in a rational and memorable manner.

My back hurts from staying in the same position for such a long time. I need someone to tie me to a truck and pull outta this chair. I could be glued to my seat for all anyone else knows. I wish I could make a promise to myself and keep to my word no matter what. I always tell myself that I will exercise, and I only start. I always feel so much better after I go jogging. Exercising and just being involved in sports makes you feel not only healthier, but more confident and relaxed. It makes you a more optimistic minded person. The only thing that's holding me back from all this is laziness, and maybe even lack of motivation. Shouldn't a healthy future be motivation enough? I sometimes learn a lesson the hard way. And when it comes to health, the hard way is not the best way. Once your health is already tainted, you can't completely restore what was.

P.S. I hope everyone is doing well, if anybody read this :D

It's been a long time...

...since I last posted. Heck, it's been  over a year, yet it feel like only months ago that I started this blog.
I opened a new blog just yesterday on a German server. To write in German. Of course to improve my German.
Maybe I should keep this one to improve my English. You can never improve too much eh.

Nothing much going on with me. Other than that I finished another year of my university. Two down and 4+ to go.

My sisters girlfriends are over. Boy, they are loud. I don't know if my headache is from the constant laughing and screaming from the other room or from the computer screen, or both, but it's really bothering me.

I'm really hungry too.
Maybe I'll go eat something.
Today was so weird.
This morning just as my cousin and I were leaving the house, we spotted a dog around the corner of the building. It had a collar so we know it has an owner. Anyway, my cousin is really scared of dogs. Once she got bitten by one by surprise in the middle of the street. Can you imagine? So her fear is pretty understandable. Today this dog just started following us all of a sudden. We tried changing our direction but it didn't let go. Then a man near by tried to shoo the dog away and told us that she wasn't dangerous. But the dog did end up following us. Actually she was leading us. She pretty much walked us to our bus stop. Once in a while she would turn back to make sure we were following. Then when we were near the station we stopped and waved the dog away with our hand. She just stopped and looked at us. She was trying  to turn away from us thinking we would follow, but when we didn't she just paused again. After a while of waving with our hands, she just stopped and we hurried down the stairs to get to our destination. We peeked back to only see that she was standing on top of the stairs and looking down at us. Perhaps because we were heading to a place full of people or maybe she really did understand that we didn't want her to follow...
Good news, yesterday I passed my pre- exam from anatomy. I am so happy. That means I finally finished the internal organs and can finally start spending enough time on the nervous system. Pretty soon it will be time to pass the nervous system too. I did not, however, pass any physics lab. works. Not that it matters.
Oh, on Monday our whole class (excluding 3 people) went to the city. It was the flower holiday. There were a lot of people but it wasn't necessarily crowded. We took so many pictures. We walked through the "bulvar" and then we went to 'qız qalası" (maidens tower). I didn't really want to go there. Because a lot of people were visiting the tower that day and the tower itself is somewhat dark and not too spacey. I sort of get out of line in closed crowded places. Then my mom called me as I was there. She told me not to use the subway that day. That they say someone's exploded one of the stations. I pass through that station when I use the subway. Later that day  it was made clear that there was no explosion. Thank goodness. But I sort of feel a little (not too much) scared whenever I do use the subway, which is everyday. Ya never know.

Fri- Fri- Friday...

I feel really happy for some reason. I don't if it's the fact that it's Friday or just because the sun is shining for once in a long time. It's unexpectedly warm. I was wearing long sleeves (smart me), plus a jacket over it.
I'd sort of always (or at least ever since it was decided that I'd have to study in med school) wanted to be a neurologist- recommended by my dad. Although before I only wanted that because my dad thought it would be nice for me, I didn't really know too much about the nervous system. But now that we're learning the nervous system in anatomy, and today we had a lecture about the nervous system in histology, I really think it's a good idea. It's a really interesting system. I may just specialize in this area.

Sometimes I wish I could divide in to two. It's not that easy to have more than one friend. I have only two and I feel like I have to be there for both at the same time when they don't want to do that for each other. And the few times that they do appear for each other and just when I feel like everything is going perfectly fine, my assumptions turn fake again. Not that they're mean to each other. No, it's not like that. But then they're mean to me. When I can't be there for one because of the other, she starts complaining jokingly (people usually try to tell the truth through jokes) and I feel bad. I'm trying really hard to make both of them happy, I've forgotten to do what I want. We barely ever do what I want. Almost never. I'm trying to do what they want. I guess I don't mind that if they both can agree on one thing. They are two very different people, and I'm not like any of them either. I feel like I'm the passage between them. You know when red gradually passes on to blue and there's a mixing of both colors in the middle as one turns to the other (in this case it would be purple), I feel like I'm that purple. It's neither red nor blue, but a totally different color that tries to diminish the distinction between the two colors. Even though I sort of feel like I'm in a tense position, I also feel somewhat important. Sort of like an unnoticeable  peace maker (if there is such a thing).

No school on Monday (Yay! that makes three days of sleeping in late) I don't really know what day it is. But I think our class want's to go out together. I might (very likely) go with them. I think it's some flower holiday. The city will be very crowded. I don't really like crowded places. I love rural places. In fact, I've always wanted to live on a farm. I could have my own herd of sheep and cows not to mention my garden of vegetables and possibly work as a doctor too. I'm sure farmers need doctors too, once in a while ;) I actually envy people who live in the country side. Especially ones who have a view of green valleys, mountains covered with forests and natural springs. They must be so healthy. The only exception I'd want on my farm is access to internet. I can't imagine how life would exist (for me at least) without internet. I wish I wasn't like that. There are so much more things to enjoy out of life. Things that don't require access to internet.
I'd have to be really, really distracted to forget that I need the internet. Right now there's no such distraction, so I guess I'm taped to the computer :D

Horrible day...

Today was so awful. Why does life have to be filled with awful people?
I think I've told you about  my physics teacher. He's an old, really mean guy. I wish he would just retire. Anyway, in physics class we are all partnered up with each other. Every pair gets a lab. work every class. The next period we have to answer some questions together about our lab. He recently found out that my partner is a president stipend student. In Azerbaijan, if you pass the entrance exam very well, you don't have to pay college tuition and the government gives you monthly stipend, but if you pass the exam very, very well, then you get the president stipend. President stipend students are considered really smart (although it's usually not that way). After he found out about her presidency, she's started to rise in his eyes. So whenever we go up front to answer, I've noticed that he doesn't give much convenience to me. Today though, he really went too far. Last night I stayed up till like 2:00 to study some physics. My partner hadn't studied more than me. In fact I'd studied the more important parts. She read those parts off MY notebook before class began. Then we went for answering. He started off with me. He thought that I hadn't studied anything and was planning to get through fast with me and start with my partner. But it just so happened I was able to answer his questions. And what does he do? Just when I'm answering everything perfectly well (and my partner can't answer them), he cuts me off and in a mocking voice "haha, that's not correct, your sentence doesn't make sense. Hey everyone, listen to her." Then he asks my partner the same question and she says exactly the same thing I was about to (because she was copying my words). For some reason her answers are considered correct. After that, he only started talking to my partner and ignored me pretty much. He asked her the questions, when ever she couldn't answer (which happened frequently), I would say it. But he seemed totally unaffected by my answering (I almost wanted to get up and go to my seat without his permission as rude as it may have been), as if I hadn't said anything. He didn't pass any of us from the Lab work. But he told my partner that if she were able to find the answer to his last question (with none of us knew), he would pass HER (obviously not me). Then he turned to me with a mocking smile, "And Gamar won't really do anything about it anyway."
What an idiot. I hate him. You know, he's always like this, mean and stuff, but every time I tried to forgive him, and told myself that it's no big deal. There's no way am I ever wasting time on physics anymore. We have physics tomorrow again. But I have better things to do. I am now sure that he'll do everything to not pass me the Lab works. He want's the president to pass, and I'm too dumb (in his opinion) to be worth noticing. At the end of the semester we'll have a physics exam. He'll want money to pass me. I guess that's all I can do. I accidentally told my mom about this, and I wish I hadn't. She seems determined to make him sink. But it's less than a month. I can handle that. Plus everyone hates him. Anyone in the university (from the students) who know him, have nothing good to say. That's so comforting.
Anyway, this was a lot of complaining.

Hellos von mir...

Dear LJ

sorry I haven't posted in forever. I suck at stuff like this. I thought I'd be committed, but I guess I'm not.
Anyway, I have so much on my shoulder. Too much. And when I have too much to do, I don't feel like doing anything at all. Yup, something new about me. I can't handle too much stress. But nothing can be delayed. Seriously, I should really start getting things done. Not that I'll ever manage it. Life just, anyway, it's pretty much the same. Oh, except our teachers have only started to criticize us more. I'm really happy that springs finally settled in. But this new season is making me uncomfortable. My eczema is acting up, and I'm just getting all sleepy all of a sudden. Today, in histology lecture I was literally fighting with myself to keep my eyes from closing shut. I don't remember a single thing the teacher said. They say he's a really smart person. I wish I would be as smart as him someday. He even goes to Germany once in a while to read lectures there. This probably doesn't seem like a big thing at all, but Azerbaijan is a small and unaccomplished country. To come across a smart, and successful person from here is pretty rare and pleasing, if I may say so myself. I want to be one of those rare people. 
A while ago, I had decided to drift away from my first friend (reason in earlier entries) and got along with this other girl from my class, but that doesn't mean I totally stopped being friends with my other friend, just didn't spend as much time with her. Now though it's the three of us. Obviously there's no ending our friendship. I'm actually pretty glad. But then there's this other girl in our class. I feel really bad for her. At the beginning of the year, she abruptly starting dating a guy and didn't hang out with any of the girls. She broke up with her b. f. by second semester, but by then everyone was already grouped (the girls) and she couldn't fit in with anyone. Now she feels all lonely (even though she has a really outgoing personality, and she's so funny). She's just too childish. Plus she can be pretty embarrassing in public. But that doesn't mean she deserves to be left alone. She want's to leave our class. She doesn't think anyone loves her. She feels unimportant because no one will let her too near. Even though this is her fault (her having a boyfriend and ignoring all the girls), she shouldn't be left alone. I usually try to include her with us, whenever we go anywhere. In fact, I want to let her know that she can hang out with us (our group of friends) if she wants to. That she doesn't have to feel all lonely and that we love her. But I haven't really had the chance to. Maybe the next time she starts complaining about not having any friends... Anyway, I'm pretty sure she won't really appreciate it, but the longer she's left alone, the more depressed and unimportant she'll feel. This could lead to a bad ending. But it could also be prevented. I don't like it when someone around me feels like that. Everyone deserves to be noticed. I think I'll tell her that. Hopefully my friends wont mind it too much.
Wow, I have more, far more than enough homework. Plus I'm sleepy, but it's Friday. I'm so happy. Should I sleep or study. Although it's only 7:21 PM. Maybe wait.
I haven't posted in a while. Nothing too interesting going on either. But if I had to wait for something interesting, then I might not post for days to come, perhaps weeks.
Much to my very embarrassment, I didn't pass my histology half-exam today. Actually I half passed it. I got +/-. That counts a little though. I'll just have to study more. Then I have a ton of anatomy. Today I met a girl on the bus. She studies in another university, psychology faculty. We learned a lot of stuff about one another including our names. Wonder if I'll see her again. I doubt it though. She was sort of fun and somewhat, ok, more than somewhat talkative. But I like people like that. I don't talk that much so I'd rather have someone else fill the quietness. Anyway, I just realized how much easier it is to study in other universities. I should totally revenge on my mom for making me go for this.
We had P.E. today. I usually stand next to this one girl in my class in P.E. class. Let's call her Fa. She's the youngest girl in our class. She's really childish too, and extremely funny. But she's not good at keeping friends. In the beginning of the year, I used to be her friend. Then my current friend came to our class about two weeks after the year began. We gradually hit it off. At first Fa didn't like that. But she wasn't committed either. She spent a lot of time with the boys. What am I suppose to do?! Then she became really close with one of the boys in our class. So they were dating. But the next semester she suddenly broke up with him. I don't know why. Most of the girls in my class didn't like how she never spent any time with us and did everything with her bf. By the time she broke up with him, all of the girls in the class were already divided. Everyone had their own friend along with a disappointed impression of her. Now she can't manage to enter any of the "friends groups". No one really wants to let her in because she just doesn't put commitment into friendships. I think she's really naive. She constantly complains that non of the girls will let her in. She usually reminds me of how we were friends in the beginning of the year. I feel really sorry for her. But I'm not taking down my guards. 
I think things are falling back on track with my friend too. I wanted to stay a little away from her, and I did so for half a day, but it didn't last that long. She just came back around.
I think I'm just going to go drink some tea.

Just came back from a friend’s house. Mom, sister and I went. Just us three. The weather was so nice. Not necessarily warm, but so sunny, which is what made it so beautiful. I really love the sun. I don't understand how anyone doesn't. But, I have an aunt whose mother-in-law doesn't go under sunlight, that her skin color might get darker. What a looser. I don't even like her. She totally changed my aunt and made her just like herself. I'm not that close to that aunt anyway. She lives far away from us. My grandma is sort of like that too. She used to complain about how my sister and I have tan skin color. But we were kids then and didn't really care that much I guess. Ugh, my grandma can be so annoying at times.
Anyway, I just made smoothie and it doesn't even taste good :( Here's what I added:
orange juice
a tiny bit of chocolate
and a couple drops of water
I guess I should have added sugar too. I think it's missing sweetness. Once I made soup with the blender and it tasted so good. Except that it turned out sooooooooooooooo salty. I'd only added a tiny bit of salt but it was way too salty to eat. I ate a bowl and almost wanted to vomit. It's like that little bit of salt expanded or something. I always make foods too salty. Not that I can make food. BUT I can boil spaghetti which is more than what my classmate can. She says she can't boil spaghetti, only makes eggs. So, I'm a step ahead of her. Which isn't even a big deal really. And I generally over cook the spaghetti too. It all gets sticky.

Another thing I learned while at our friends’ house (the older daughter is in her last year of med school). It’s impossible to pass all exams on your own. I’m pretty sure that I’ll have to pay money to be able to pass my physics exam. Especially with the teacher I currently have. Also, we’ll have parasitology, well, actually we’ll have a subject about infections and stuff later on, so our biology teacher can just disappear with her annoying preference of biology over other subjects. I wish I didn’t have to study in this medical school. I’m always worried about what kind of teachers are going to cross my path. Our Latin teacher last semester was really corrupted. He always told us we needed to “see” him to talk about what grade we wood get from Latin. By “see” he meant we’d need to go and talk to him privately about what grade we wanted and how much we would have to pay to get that grade. He didn’t teach much in class. And when someone gave a question, he said that we have to “see” him to get an answer. Thank God I don’t have to see that teacher anymore. But my physics teacher is even worse than him. He’s so offensive. Once he offended me in front of all my classmates. That’s why I get really depressed whenever we have physics. And the worst thing is, you have to just bear it, not say anything when they’re saying stuff like that to you. Your grade depends on them. He’s never ever, ever satisfied with anything either.

Whew, that was a ton of complaining. But I just had to get all that off my chest.

As of last week, I’m a Twilight fan. A girl in my class talked about the movie so much, I decided to watch it too, and I guess I fell in love with it as well. But that girl in my class is too in love with it. Especially with Edward. She almost gets jealous when someone else likes the movie too. But it’s really addictive. I’ve watched the movie about 4 times. I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of people who don’t like it. I haven’t come across these people in real life. Just on the internet. I don’t think the other episodes are as good as the first one either. Just guessing.